"did god really say...?"

Reflection is dangerous. Necessary… but dangerous. Most of us have some vision, some picture of our place in the world; who we are, who we wish we were, who we are supposed to be. Those of us who assume an active deity, a god who participates and leads, often find themselves the recipient of this whispered question… the same question uttered by a serpent in a garden in our creation myth.

“Did god really say…?”

Usually we hear this question and remember that, in the creation myth, it was a trick; a manipulation meant to push the story’s heroine away from the story she was meant to live and into a new and much messier story.  We remember that this question planted a seed of doubt that grew into full rebellion. We remember that to entertain this question was to bring about the fall of the human race before it had much of a chance to stand. And in this remembering I sometimes ignore another important reality; what if this is a fair question? What if this is the question we most need to ask?

“Did god really say…?”

I have spent a fair amount of time, over the last few weeks, reflecting on my place in the world and the place of the community to whom I have committed my heart. I have read and re-read my own words and my own stated vision of all that I have believed about our calling and our mission. And I am allowing myself to hear the question; to consider it fully. I am living deeply in the question and allowing it to shape me and even change me.

“Did god really say…?”

And in this moment… I cannot answer with any certainty. This is the heart of faith; to listen to the voice you hope is his and to act. To know it is his voice requires no faith. It is the risk in knowing that it may only be my own voice that leads to possible adventure... and to possible failure. The tragedy in the garden lay not in the question, but in answering too quickly. Faith, at least for me, is saying “I’m not sure he really did say…” but acting as if he did; knowing that the only possible proof will be in the final chapter of the story. And even then; the answer may be hidden and we may simply move to another story with no resolution in the previous one.

“Did god really say…?”

I have no idea.